motherhood
It’s weird, I don’t feel different…
I went through my entire pregnancy thinking once my baby was born, I’d completely change. Like an “I don’t recognize myself in the mirror” kind of change. But it’s been gradual, and while my baby is a month old, I still feel like me. Yes, Shepherd has completely rocked my world to its core in the best possible way and he has already taught me more than he realizes, but I’m still me.
What I didn’t realize was how much your baby teaches you about yourself. Like I feel more self aware than ever. I learned that I am a lot more patient than I lead on, I’ve also learned that I have the ability to stay calm in what would seemingly be a stressful situation to my pre-motherhood self. As moms, humans in general, we don’t give ourselves enough credit or simply stop scrolling long enough to double tap ourselves instead of strangers on the internet. I’ve also learned that if you’re a chill person before getting pregnant, then you’ll basically be chill forever. I’m sure there’s exceptions to that, but I’m not one of them. I was engulfed by too many moms on social media who were chronic overthinkers and would stress out about things like eating a few pepperonis on my Subway sandwich while I was pregnant.
Being a mom really is the coolest thing that has happened to me ever, and not that I feel like I’ve peaked by any means, but truly how does anything top this feeling? The empowerment I feel for just simply caring for my own baby, the sense of accomplishment I feel after breastfeeding, I’m convinced winning a Grammy couldn’t even touch this feeling. Before I had Shepherd that last sentence would’ve made me cringe because I was such a firm believer in not giving yourself up to be a mom, but it’s weird because now being a mom is the most important job title I will ever have. It holds the most weight and it truly is the most rewarding. As I’m writing this in bed at 1:20am, Shep is zonked out next to me and I’ve never been happier.
In the next blog posts I’ll be more formal. Actually no they won’t, but I’ll try to have an agenda and talk about things that girlies who don’t really want to read an epilogue about why I love being a mom will enjoy. Idk if that sentence made sense and I was thinking about deleting it, but it feels more personal if I type this blog the way I would text you. Okay love you BYEeE